How are you? "I am adjusting"

It's been a privilege communicating with both friends from home and new friends here in Thailand. When asked how I am doing, I think I can confidently say that I am doing well, but I am adjusting to a lot. I am adjusting to a new culture, new food, new language, new church, new currency, new friends, and new communication with friends and family still in the United States. There isn't a second of the day where my brain just stops calculating something that it needs to understand. I feel like a computer that starts to make the exhausted noises when it's working too hard to download.

One thing that I feel like the Lord has confirmed as a reason I was brought here is to reframe my mindset on productivity and success. As I’ve mentioned a lot, my life changed about a year and a half ago when I lost my job and God told me to move here. During that time, I lost a large part of my identity which was only measured by my own successes and achievements. I believed having meaningful passions and being apart of something noble defined me. So when God removed me from my noble and intense job that gave me a sense of purpose, I felt worthless and disposable to the organization, to everyone and everything. That is quite a lot of weight to put on a job don't you think?

There is a multitude of reasons why the Lord has brought me here. Yes, I am here to offer my hands in service and he is already opening opportunities for me to use the exact skills and gifts I have to bring him glory. That’s awesome and so sweet of Him to look out for me in that way. But I don’t think that’s all he wants to do while I am here. In a lot of ways, I think God is just showing me that life is slow. I don’t have to be multitasking and running 800 miles a minute (or should I say Kilometers. I am not a metric system girl lol), but I can actually go to do laundry and sit patiently for the load to be done.  I don’t have to accomplish anything in between because I’m going to get a star at the end of the day for being productive. When I showed up to the DMV to get a Thai driver's license, they told me I would have a five hour training. I was there all day and they were patient with me to explain the steps in English and communicate exactly everything that needed to get done. They took their time to help each person they interacted with (although it feels like DMV's everywhere take their sweet little time am I right?) My roommate and I got our nails done after church on Sunday. We got there at 1:30 and left at 4:30. You know why? Because they took their time with us. The Thai culture is very much not in a rush to get anything done, and I think that is beautiful. It allows for more time to be interrupted. Isn't that exactly how Jesus' ministry was? Jesus would change his plans and course because the Spirit told him to go somewhere else, or a person needed healing immediately and he would go to them instead of stick to his original plans. I hope that as I detox from my desires to be task oriented, that I can be more Holy Spirit oriented and fix my eyes on the Father's business.

Marcia, the head pastor’s wife at One Light, has helped me so much in her wisdom and grace. She made it abundantly clear to me that I didn’t join One Light Church just to offer what I have. But I’m here as a Daughter of the King and if all I do daily is BE a daughter…then that is enough. Every day is a chance to wake up, live loved by God, and go to sleep knowing it's not about my glory but Christ's glory. Everything in between is his grace! 

Thanks for letting me process and reform my toxic obsession with success.